February 21, 2009

  revolutionary road

now there's no promises i won't bail on this premise 2 minutes in because 1) the movie is too good, 2) the movie is too bad, 3) i got nothing or 4) i've fallen asleep (although i will tell you which happened), but in an attempt to de-bore me i will liveblog revolutionary road for you.

a quick background check first: based on a novel by a guy called yates, critical acclaim, the New York Times reviewed it as "beautifully crafted... a remarkable and deeply troubling book."

all this i am on board with. also, let's note that this is the first movie i see where the starring couple are dicaprio and winslet.

pedal to the metal, gentlemen.

opening: smooth swing music, cityscapes (chicago? just guessing), noir lipstick and cigarettes. haha domo's got his mouth half open! look! it's so funny.

i love event blogging. think i'll make some popcorn.

3 min 30 sec in. they've fallen in and out of love. i think i got whiplash.

6min. so far everything leo's said has sounded like he's a guy saying lines.

that would be par for the course for everything since gilbert grape, then...

how's domo handling it?

he (domo) is literally tearing into a wicker basket in what looks like frustration. makes me wish i had claws

lolz he is a furvolutionary

the golden compass was surgical in how all of the literary beauty of the story was removed and only the narrative skeleton maintained. this feels the same, the words people say are melodramatic but i'm not in it. granted, i'm being badgered by a cat and writing, but i am ascared at how much movie there is left

surgical is a good word for the poor golden compass. come on, join the revolution and see what it has to offer! don't give up yet! yes we can!

there's only one thing i ever actually say to domo these days:

kathy bates is a joy! i'd rather follow her character around.

sounds pretty similar to my usual conversation with nonni:
Me: "Cat, you are a cat."
Nonni: [is cat]

or the Finnish variation
Me: "Kissa, sinä olet kissa."
Nonni: [on kissa]

oh and btw. is being badgered like a cat similar to being dogged by a wolverine?
and kathy bates rocks, which is why we should maybe rent (ha ha rent) the road to wellville.

lol @ nonni's stage direction _:D:D

bates wasn't really on my radar until right NOW. it's nuts to see the supporting cast blow the stars out of the water.

all of dicaprio's lines so far have been heavy with "look: i'm a douche". it's not even 15 minutes in (studio idents etc included) and he's hamming up a young secretary.

have to say that winslet's got something. i don't find her madly attractive but her expression in the falling-in-love scene actually tugged on my heart.

boys get that from films too? i may have to make you rent (ha ha rent) pride and prejudice, for i don't know anyone else here with whom i can watch it. awesome.

oh yeah i get that, but rarely. i tend to get bored weird by pure-bred chick flicks, but of course you connect with a good scene when it comes your way.

ok of course he banged the secretary he took out to lunch in a scene stolen out of 6 mad men episodes.

in mad men at least you have good actors like jon hamm. man, this dicaprio kid is weak.

and he's like 45 now or something. but at least he cares about the environment.

plot update: after they got together and sick of each other within the opening scene, the next 20 minutes is basically elaboration of their marital fuck-all. now winslet is trying to reboot their marriage and i guess this is going to be the thematic pivot, so i might just breathe and just be with it.

perhaps this courtship scene will be more to your liking: http://www.mspaintadventures.com/extras/ps000021.html

don't think for a second i won't pause an award-winning movie for a Problem Sleuth break. loved it!

count the infidelities until you get to 10, and then start again? it's zazen cinema.

STOP PRESS! 31 minutes in, in an apparent reversal, dicap gets on board with winslet's suggestion they move to paris to get out of their mutual suffocating career-funk——

hold on. i just realized something. the story takes place in the 50s, and whatever happened in the secretary-out-to-lunch scene in the restaurant, in my brain i read that as dicaprio making a call on a mobile. i mean he spoke to someone elsewhere in the company (an excuse for the secretary to be away for the rest of the day) from a restaurant when there was nobody there but them. what the fuck? it had to be a cellphone.

i will not go back and check.

no, but i insist that you think about all the affairs he has on the Internet.

or do you have a memory of a waiter bringing a phone on a platter?

what a cunt!


this is such oscar-bait.

in other news, is there a 3-second rule for dropping food on your cat?


he was customarily trying to sleep on the keyboard, sort of wedged between everything. i think he took personally to becoming a dining plate for a slice of orange and went on to lose his shit over a toy.

now they introduced that character that bates mentioned in an earlier scene i cognitively surfed over. he's sort of hollywood neurotic and asks for copious amounts of sherry when offered a drink. i like this gentleman, and the fact that kathy bates is in the room again

i wonder what is going on with the plot

i like trying to imagine your first paragraph is about dicaprio and the rest is about your cat.

uh, who's eating the food, you or cat?

me. (but no, i didn't eat the bit i dropped on d. that would be gross. that guy eats his own hair.)

not to mention licks his own butt

oh shit. guess what he was doing just as i looked round to see what he was doing?

ok the neurotic guy has had 37 rounds of ECT, it turns out. and that made him lose math, but not emotional problems.

i'm getting a sinking feeling the whole plot is about the PLAN to go to paris.

what a great USP: "lose your math forever--and worry about it twice as much (whatever "twice" means)!"

i think these bullshit distinctions of whether i'm telling you about domo or dicaprio need to go!

he likes to peer over things so you see just his eyes and the top of his head.

he often has very dramatic looks that seem to convey something but nothing that makes real sense at that moment.

Iz LOLing!

he's back to being an asshole.

i'm looking at internet stuff.

(with apologies to the excellent problem sleuth -ed.)

Kthx that looks good enough for the INTERNET!

the paris plotline is officially gone. he's back to banging the secretary and staying because the CEO (who knew and had forgotten his father) gave him a huge promotion because he had one good idea, because that's how business works and is not at all a shorthand plot device. who am i kidding, everything in this film (except for the notion of a homemade abortion using rubber tubing) is a movie convention.


he's licking himself again

"he's licking himself over halfways" is boss.

do i detect a note of bitterness that one's veritable string of one-good-ideas has not made one king of the empire yet? i hereby promote you to MAN of REAL PLOT.

he typically sleeps in a position that looks like he's frozen mid-reach, or mid-punch.

winslet is enjoying a MARTINI of PETULANT FROWNING.

now there's a neighbor boning down on winslet. still no idea what the lynchian insertion of electroshock man was about

she should spit out the olive pit and then go KICK HIS ASS

"lynchian insertion over halfways"

turns out electroconvulsive boy is the truth-speaker. of course! he's the one who verbally cuts dicaprio's nuts off from behind a comically large helping of bourbon

plot puzzle complete

dammit, he lost his math but not his plot device.

he pockets the NARRATIVE CONTRAPTION with a wry smile.

he only made it halfway through awake =x_x=

dammit, when actors PHONE IN their SCRIPTITUDE, that's one thing, but OVERSLEEPING THE SCENERY is another.

uh oh. she's got the HEART WRENCH

Quick, replenish with MORE BRANDY and some TEAR BEEF JERKER

oh i wish i had brandy.. i just went all the way down the road STONE COLD SOBER.

job done. the winslet unit self destructed in a DRAMATIC FASHION, leading to an ending of BROKEN PEOPLE and SPARSE PIANO NOTES.

oh no, not the SPARSE PIANO NOTES!

Quick, someone find a FRENCH HORN!


that was WAY BETTER than just watching the film.

[half an hour later]

it's 1:30 AM and i'm contact juggling

Posted by matti at 01:42 AM | Comments (0)